You Still Have Me
by Bianca Ocean
Summary: Severus, forced to accept his wife's indifference towards their family, is left alone. Soon he finds love in an unexpected place. Can he give her the love she deserves?
1. Default Chapter

Severus was feeling very uncomfortable about his growing attraction to Amy. The shadow seer revealed her tall, slender outline, and she was self-described with long black hair set in soft waves, brown eyes and a face that was "okay".  
Looks no longer mattered to the man, but her defiant and still so loving personality that betrayed her loneliness and feeling of being an outcast struck a nerve in him. He too knew what it felt like to be so alone and unsure where you belonged.  
His wife, Alexandra, was never one to be jealous. Quite the contrary, she was somewhat unfeeling about things like that, but he understood that it was her nature. Still, he couldn't figure out why she insisted Amy move into his quarters at Hogwarts. He was already sharing the multiple roomed tower with Harry whom he had adopted in his seventh year.  
Severus had to come to grips with the realization that Harry was not like his father in many respects. Harry screamed at Severus, angry for his mistreatment.  
"I'm not my father, Professor! Yes, I know what he did to you, and I have never put a single person in danger because I was feeling arrogant. I would never harm another student because of peer pressure. And I've never saved a life because I was saving my own neck! I don't know why you still see me as the man who tried to have you killed."  
"I'm not seeing you at all, Potter," he spat back.  
Harry took a deep, calming breath. "I know that, and I'm sorry." Suddenly he began to sob, "I may as well have pointed the wand at you, Professor. If I had just died along with my parents, no one would be dead, and you would be...well, you would be better. I'm supposed to kill Voldemort, but I can't. I don't know how and I may just be dooming us all."  
That was a year ago. Voldemort was still at large though his numbers had suffered many losses. Harry was feeling stronger, taking up the position of the DADA teacher. He was perfect for that, of course. He was sure to be head of Gryffindor house in a few years, when McGonagall retired, if he lived that long.  
Now he was sitting in a squashy armchair by the fire, cuddling his fifteen-month-old daughter, Violet, waiting for his wife to return with their new roommate. Listening to Vi's deep rhythmic breathing, he knew she had finally dropped off. He walked carefully to her room and placed her in her pram. Making his way past Harry's room, he stopped to say hello.  
"Working hard," he asked.  
Harry laughed, "You startled me. I was just working on my lesson plan for next week. Take a seat," he offered.  
Severus hesitated, "You're insufferably messy, Potter. Your room terrifies me."  
Harry obliged and led him by the hand to a chair. "Sorry Severus, and you are right. My room is in a right state. I've just been so distracted."  
Severus sighed sympathetically. "Things have been the same for me as well. The shadow seer has been killing my head even more lately."  
"You've been using it too much," Harry scolded. "You should give it a rest. You know Hogwarts like the back of your hand."  
He shrugged, "Still a bit insecure." He stood up, "I'm waiting for Alex to arrive with our new house mate. I best be in the living room to greet them." Harry helped him around the junk and he found his chair, still warm and inviting.  
Severus managed to drop off before Alex returned and woke as she turned the key in the lock. Severus slipped on the talisman and stood to greet the guests. To his surprise, there were not just two, but three. His stomach began to flip-flop with nerves. It was the feeling he always got when Alex was going to surprise him with something that wasn't necessarily good.  
"Severus," Alex said, staying by the table in the kitchen. He moved to get closer to her and to catch the scent of the third mysterious visitor. He smelled cologne. "I have something to tell you, and it wont make you happy."  
His hands began to tremble and he grasped his wand out of habit. "Yes, my love?"  
"Well...you remember Victor, right?"  
Severus filled with immediate rage. "Victor? This makes no sense! He's the man that kidnapped you, beat you and raped you!"  
He heard Amy gasp in surprise. "What?"  
Alex held up her hand. "There were extenuating circumstances," she said in an annoyed tone. "It doesn't matter to me anymore. The point is, I can't be with you anymore. I have to leave and I don't know if I'm ever coming back. My mission is too important, much more important than you."  
His lower lip trembled but he refused to give in to the despair. "What about Vi? Are you to take her with you?"  
Alex laughed, "You really haven't learned anything about me, have you? Violet's half human. She'll change, but until then, you can handle all the...parenting stuff. When she wants the truth of life and when she has let go her mortal attachment, she can seek me out." Alex slapped a small stack of papers on the table. "Divorce papers. I thought you would need these taken care of since you are human." She moved to walk out but turned back to Severus, "If I could love the way you wanted me to, I would. But I'm not like you. Little Amy here is going to stay with you and help you take care of the offspring, since no one else wants her and she's too full of mortal self pity to join our world fully."  
"Don't say that," Victor said acidly. "Amy, it's not true. If I did not need to be with Alex right now, I'd be with you. I love you and even though I am like her, I still love." He kissed her on the cheek, and moments later they were gone.  
Severus groped for a chair and collapsed into it. He was so full of shock that he was unable to tell if he was sad or angry. He tugged at the talisman around neck and pulled it off, tossing it to the floor. He put his face in his hands and let out a long, shuddering sigh. 


	2. Chapter 2

Amy took the glass of potion to Severus who drank it in one gulp. He dropped the cup on the floor where it shattered, spraying Amy's bare feet with shards and cutting her in a few places. She didn't cry out, but watched her wounds heal instantly.  
Severus rolled over, pointed his wand at the floor and muttered, "Repario." The glass repaired itself and Amy left him alone for the night.  
Harry was pacing the floor of the living room, absentmindedly ruffling his hair. He stopped walking and gave Amy a weak smile as she returned to the kitchen to put the glass away.  
"How is he," Harry asked softly, so not to wake Severus or Violet who was still sleeping peacefully.  
Amy shrugged, "He's a wreck. He just crawled into himself and I don't know if he'll ever come back." She sat down in the armchair that Severus had occupied earlier. "Thanks for that potion, by the way. I'm not good at hu...I mean wizard remedies. I think he'll sleep soundly."  
Harry joined her near the fire, sitting cross-legged on the floor. "It's a good potion, I've taken it several times in my life, and I'll probably take it more. I have these terrible nightmares..." he trailed off, staring into the flames.  
Amy felt a pang of sympathy for the young man. Alex had told her the story of the wizarding world and what was going on inside it. She had no idea that she was to be shoved directly into the middle of it, but she wanted to keep watch over Violet, feeling that it was quite unfair for the baby to be subjected to all of this. She too had been removed from that world by an uncaring mother, and she too was a half-breed once, subject to the mortal feeling of loss and loneliness.  
"Did you have any idea that Alex meant to leave you here," Harry asked suddenly.  
She shook her head gently. "No, she just wanted me to have a place to go. I had met Severus and we had...quite a connection. He reminded me of the one person who really loved me. My parents abandoned me...just like Alex has abandoned Violet. I'd be gone in a heart beat if I didn't feel that Violet deserved better."  
Harry frowned, "You were orphaned too?"  
Amy suddenly felt Harry's attraction to her and she couldn't have that. He was sweet, not to mention very easy on the eyes, but she was already infatuated with Severus. She closed her eyes and used her powers to block off the attraction. It was a simple thing to do, having to do it more than once. She just removed the ability for him to feel for her like that. He, of course, would still want to be great friends, and she could handle great friends.  
Harry stopped talking and shook his head. He looked at her for a moment before he smiled again. "I should be off to bed. It's late and I have a class in the morning. I'll get up early and you and I can talk about how you can help Severus in his classes."  
Amy shook her head, "I can't help him," she protested. "I'm not a wizard and I've never had anything to do with wizards before Alex."  
Harry patted her on the head. "You'll be fine," he said gently and went off to bed.  
Amy went to the loo and changed into her pajamas. She tied her long hair into a loose bun and went to check on Violet. The beautiful, black haired baby was sleeping soundly. She covered her with a light blanket and then went into check on Severus.  
He was curled up under the blankets, but she could tell he was still awake. "Mind if I light the lamp," she asked.  
"Do as you will," he murmured.  
She sat on the edge of the bed next to him and sighed deeply. "I can't do anything to ease your pain. I wish I could, but there is nothing I can say to take away the hurt."  
He made an attempt at a smile. "I know that. You are so kind to stay, but you need not. I've always been alone, even when she was with me. I think I've always known that."  
"I want to stay," she said gently, "unless you wish me to go. I feel comfortable with you and like she said, no one in my world wants me. I would go away and be alone, and I don't know if I could survive that. I suppose I'm alone here too, but at least I would be able to tend to Violet. She's just like me, abandoned by our world and I would like to help her through that." Amy stood up and looked around the room. "Could I get a blanket to make up the couch?"  
"Stay...in here with me," he asked gently. "If you want to stay, than stay with me. It's not so dark when you're around."  
Amy felt a little unsure, but she crawled under the covers next to him and arranged the pillows. Without warning, Severus rolled over and buried himself in her arms. He began to cry softly, his body shaking with the silent sobs. She put out the lamp and stroked his soft hair until they both fell into a dreamless sleep. 


	3. chapter 3

Disclaimer: any characters recognized from Harry Potter do not belong to me; they belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
When Amy woke the next morning, she was alone. The bed was half made and Severus was long gone. She yawned and stood up, listening for Violet, but it seemed the baby was either still sleeping or content.  
She went into the loo to dress and fix her hair. She put on a jogging suit and tied her hair up so she could do her morning Yoga. The Sun Salutations took twenty minutes and she decided to leave it at that. She was starting to feel hungry so she showered quickly and donned jeans and a tee.  
She was braiding her long tresses as she entered the living room and bumped into Harry who was feeding Violet her breakfast. The bright-eyed baby smiled at Amy and continued with her food.  
"Morning," Harry said brightly. "I don't have class for a while and Severus asked me to show you to the Great Hall for breakfast. Violet got a little impatient for food so I gave her a little something."  
Amy sat down next to the high chair and tickled the baby under her chin. "Will she eat with the other students?"  
"Oh yes, she does almost every morning. Severus or I usually take her with us while Alex does her thing. I don't think Vi's gonna miss her much, she never really had much to do with her."  
Amy looked at the beautiful baby and felt a pang of empathy for her. "Sad, but I guess I'm here to be her new mummy." Amy picked her up and they prepared to leave. "How is it going to be that I'm muggle? I don't own any robes and I certainly won't fit in with my jeans."  
Harry laughed and led her out the door. "Don't worry, most of the students are muggle born or at least half blood. They're well used to the muggle world and won't try to hex you in the hall." He lowered his voice, "I know about Alex. I had some vague conception of her...race if you'd call it that. Are you one of them too?"  
Amy nodded, "I was half blood until recently when I changed on my own."  
Harry shrugged, "I dunno how it works, I just know that you aren't human and that our magic cant touch you. You might do well to pretend to be cursed if someone tries to attack you."  
Amy sighed fretfully, "I can do that, I suppose."  
Harry nudged her playfully on the shoulder. "Your kind sighs a lot. Alex did it all the time, it's strange."  
They made their way to the Great Hall where Severus was sitting at the very end of the staff table. Amy chose to ignore the looks she got and sat by his side, placing Violet in the high chair that was already waiting for her.  
"Morning," she said gently. "Did you sleep okay?"  
He nodded, concentrating on chewing the bite in his mouth. "You," he finally asked.  
"Yes, your bed was wonderfully comfortable." She began piling small bits of eggs and bacon on Violet's plate and gave her a tippy cup full of juice. "She eats well," Amy remarked after a moment of uncomfortable silence.  
Severus nodded again, "She's more like me than her mum, and she always has been. I don't think Alex spent more than a handful of hours with her total. But Vi doesn't seem to mind."  
Amy smiled in spite of the sorrow she felt for the both of them. "She's a lively girl then, isn't she?" Violet was making faces at passing students. It seemed the norm for the room and Amy wondered what going to this school would have been like. The curriculum would have been different but the principles would be the same. It would have been better than the boarding school she was sent to.  
  
Months passed with ease as Severus and Amy built their relationship. He warmed up to her quickly, and it seemed he was trying anything to dull the ache in his chest. He didn't was to open up to her and Amy understood that of course. She told him her ugly history of being lied to, shipped off to live as a human, and how she was reunited with Guido, her would-be father only to watch him die six months later.  
"If anyone can sympathize with the constant ache in your soul, I can. I don't expect you to tell me things, but just know I'm here for you." She told him this over dinner in their private quarters exactly five months to the day that she had arrived. She was already desperately in love with him and certain that he would never be able to love her back. "I think I can love you in a way that she never could."  
"How could you do that," he said in a voice hoarse from tears he was trying to hold back. "I mean, look what she's done to me! I used to be respected and feared, I've been reduced to a blithering idiot crying over his peas!"  
Amy patted his hand and poured him a glass of wine. "I could love you as a human loves. A love that she has never been capable of."  
He brushed tears off his face angrily and gulped the wine down with a grimace. "I don't need it anymore," he said gruffly and went to bed.  
Amy accepted the defeat and finished her dinner. Harry was out with Violet on her evening stroll. The weather was warm and beautiful, Hogwarts was blooming with peachy-faced students and green grounds. Amy had a hard time feeling sad and would never give up on him. He could be one last lost soul in the world and that was a big difference to her.  
  
Later that night, Amy was sitting alone by the light of a lamp reading when suddenly Victor popped into the room. He went to her side speaking low and quick. "I've come to warn you, Amy. Alex is on a rampage, and I don't know why. I think Violet is in danger of being taken, and you cant let that happen. She'll put Vi where she put you."  
Amy glared, "Wonderful, as if my torture wasn't enough for her!"  
"Just keep Vi guarded at all times. Tell Severus what Alex plans, keep him on his guard."  
"I..." she trailed off for a moment. "I want to change him."  
Victor took her hands, "I can't let you Vi. He will not be Immortal and he is susceptible to a disease that's already in his blood stream. He would surely die a painful death within thirty years. It wouldn't be worth it."  
Amy glared at him inwardly. That's what he told her parents when he convinced them to let her go. But it wasn't true, it was an elaborate lie to get them out of her life. She didn't let on that she knew the truth of what he had done and just smiled at him. "Pity, I think I really love him."  
Victor smiled sadly at her and kissed her cheek. "Ma Bella," he whispered and was gone as suddenly as he had appeared.  
Amy went into the bed she shared with Severus. He was lying awake in the dark thinking about things, but he would never share them with Amy. He deserved no rest, no peace. He was now forced to accept things because of the life he had lived, because of the lives he had taken.  
Amy crawled into bed next to him and instinctively lay with her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her and absentmindedly stroked her hair. "Victor was just here," she said after a moment. She waited for him to react, but he didn't. "He said that Alex...is planning on kidnapping Violet and putting her where she put me."  
Severus gripped her shoulder tightly, filling with rage. "I can't believe she would do this to me! First she divorces me and leaves me with my daughter whom she says she doesn't care about, then she decides to take her away and put her in some muggle home with no memories of where she came from!"  
Amy began to run her fingers up and down his chest and face, calming him down. "We will keep up her guard. As long as Vi isn't alone she will be safe." 


	4. chapter 4

That morning, Severus waited for Amy to get up, and that was a first. Usually he woke, kissed his daughter and ran down to breakfast before Amy could accost him with her feelings and her...her bloody sympathy.  
But he was breaking down, and he wanted so desperately to love her. He wanted so desperately for her to keep trying for him, to never give up on him. He could hear her rhythmic breathing and it made him smile, knowing someone was there in his bed, keeping it warm. There was a woman in his life that could love him truly, with heart and soul. And she was madly in love with his daughter, the other love of his life.  
Severus went into the kitchen to greet Harry who was sipping his morning coffee. "Would you like a cup," he offered expecting the usual "no".  
"I would love one," Severus said brightly. He took a seat across from the young man and stretched his arms up over his head. "Lovely day, isn't it?"  
Harry suppressed a giggle as he poured his adopted father a cup of coffee. "Why so cheerful? What happened to "sod off Potter"?"  
Severus laughed apologetically. "I've been a right grump, haven't I?'  
"With good reason," Harry said gently. "Alex just...left. I was there and I know how it feels to be so...alone."  
He shrugged unable to stifle his grin. "I wouldn't say I'm entirely alone."  
"Ah," he said knowingly. "Speaking of our lovely housemate, I was wondering if you'd oppose me taking her for a long tour of the grounds? She's been pestering me to take her into the forest and I thought who better than a DADA champ?"  
"Deflate your head Potter," he said with humor. "Of course you may take her for a walk in the woods."  
"I know that Violet has to be watched over at all times, so if you would prefer me to wait..."  
Severus held up his hand, "That won't be necessary. I will bring my daughter to my class. The...students," he said with some disdain, "seem to love it."  
Harry laughed, "They aren't all that bad."  
"I suppose it's just the cooing and awing...what are they trying to do to her?"  
A yawning Amy interrupted him. She rubbed her eyes and sat down next to Severus, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Morning," she yawned. "I can't believe you're still here."  
"I thought I might wait for you and Vi to wake," he said. As if cued in, Violet began to make her morning noises, whining to be picked up.  
Amy moved to get up but Severus motioned for her to sit back down. "I'll go, you finish your coffee and then go on your tour with Harry." He went to the nursery and greeted his baby girl. "Hello love," he said cheerfully.  
"Daaaadeeeee," she said in her baby babble.  
He grinned and quickly changed and dressed her. "Want to learn about potions today, Vi?"  
She grabbed his nose and laughed, "Ya," she answered as if she knew what he was asking. He brought her to say good morning and as soon as she saw Amy, she smiled. "Hi mummy," she said in her sweetest voice.  
Amy gasped, "She just called me mummy!"  
Severus smiled, "True, I think she knows who the real mum is around here."  
They sat around the table playing with Violet until it was time for Potions. "I must be off," Severus said, gathering the supplies he'd need to take the baby with him to class. "See you this afternoon?"  
Amy kissed him. "I look foreword to it," and she prepared to leave with Harry.  
  
To the readers looking for the history of this story, The Choice, is the prequel to You Still Have Me. I'm working on both at the same time so be patient. They're coming along as quickly as I get ideas! 


	5. chapter 5

Amy and Harry were trekking through the Forbidden Forest later that afternoon. Harry was pointing out plants that Severus would need in his cabinet and plants to stay away from. He told her a few amusing stories of his youth, including the story of Professor Quirrel drinking Unicorn blood, the story of Aragog, and the story of how Professor Firenze became a teacher at Hogwarts.  
"Could I ask you something," Amy ventured as they sat down for a bit of a rest.  
"Sure," Harry said.  
"I was wondering, well...what happened to Severus? I mean, how did he...lose his sight?"  
Harry was shocked. "You're telling me that in all the months you've spent in love with the man, you never once asked him what happened?"  
"Oh yes, and wouldn't that have been lovely for him? Sev darling, want to relive the bloody awful memory of how you went blind? Do it for me, love, because I love you."  
Harry gave an appreciative laugh. "Well okay, I suppose I see your point." He took a deep breath. "Well, it was in my sixth year and Severus was spying for the Order of the Phoenix. The Death Eaters accidentally caught Alex, and mind you Alex was supposed to have been killed by Severus the year that Voldemort was killed. Now when Lucius Malfoy saw Alex, he knew Severus had been lying the whole time. Voldemort summoned Severus to him and they confronted him for being a spy. Then Voldemort said, 'So, my little spy who sees everything? Let's see if we can't do something about that.' He pointed his wand at Severus and did a spell to blind him. Alex then was furious and abandoned all reasoning. She gave up the guise of pathetic human and cornered Voldemort before he could kill Severus. I don't know what she said to Voldemort or what she did to the Death Eaters, but it shook them and their numbers fell significantly. Alex returned with Severus in tow, but she couldn't return his sight to him. She said there was nothing she could do. She brought a man named Victor to see him, but Victor said nothing was to be done. That's when Dumbledore gave him the shadow seer. He uses it in classes when he teaches, but all the students know about him now."  
Amy was silent for a moment. "Why didn't Alex kill Voldemort?"  
Harry laughed, "I asked her that myself. I know all about the prophecy, how I am the only one who can kill him, but I know your kind are far above that. You could kill him easily and be rid of his soul forever."  
Amy nodded, "I suppose Alex said that it was all for the better? That it would all make sense once you see the bigger picture?"  
Harry gave a small laugh. "How did you know?"  
"Because she says loads of those things to me all the time, or when I see her anyway. It's all her way of saying she doesn't feel like it, or that she doesn't care enough. She makes it look like she does things for the greater good when really she is just waiting for things to come to her. It's quite a joke, really." She looked at Harry for a moment, "You want me to kill Voldemort for you?"  
He laughed, "To be honest, I wouldn't let anyone else kill him. Call it a revenge thing, I don't know, but I wouldn't dare be deprived of the pleasure I will have in presenting his head to the Order of the Phoenix." His voice was bitter, but he smiled in spite of his mood.  
Amy was admiring the way the sun peeked through the canopy of trees in small rays when suddenly they heard a rustling sound. They both jumped out, Harry's wand at the ready when they were faced with a tall, handsome man with graying hair.  
"Remus," Harry exclaimed.  
The man was fully out of breath and bent over with exhaustion. "It's...Severus," he gasped. "Dying...go quick!"  
Amy closed her eyes and used her power to transport her from the forest to Severus' side. He was lying in a large pool of blood that was growing from a long slice in his neck.  
Amy collapsed next to him and felt the pulse in his wrist. He was fading fast. "Severus," Amy said gently.  
"They have her," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. Blood was trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "I'm...starting to feel light headed."  
Amy made a rash decision, refusing to believe she was going to lose this man. "Severus, listen to me. I can help you, I can heal you, but I will have to change you. Do you want to live? Do you want to continue life with me?" She suppressed a great sob. "There is a chance that you will die years from now, from a disease that kills our kind, and there is a chance that you will never die at all."  
Severus took in a shuddering breath and held it for a moment. "Okay," he said, "because you can love me as I need to be loved." 


End file.
